July 5, 2010
My life PILED up ...!!! Who noticed??
Yesterday we ended up behind this truck.....it felt like looking straight into my head...and my LIFE at this specific point in time !!
I have so many things piled up on top of each other...in no specific order and a lot of junk inbetween the useful bits?!
The load is a little too heavy for the capacity of my brain right now and some bits are at high risk of simply dropping off somewhere along the road....although I have it all tied in and attached to me - somehow.......anxiously clinging to every bit that I possibly can carry around with me!!
I could not help but wonder whether all these pieces are REALLY worth taking along and whether the owner should have not taken stock a little bit deciding which ones are really worth over-burdening the body of his truck?? But then again- who am I to suggest a crazy idea like that???? - maybe he is exactly like me - not able right now to determine what is important, what is urgent, what is needed, what can wait, what can go...... simply carrying EVERYTHING along - hoping that one of these good days - I will find the time to sort between it all and put it ALL to good use and in good order and find a PLACE for every little item and every bit of detail I want to somehow orchestrate !
I am sure I am not the only one whose load looks like this???!!! It is just that it was never my idea to end up like this??! But it ended up one of those nasty realities that made me think of this blog.
See - I am a SUPER organiser ! Yes..that is one thing I have enough proof of and others to vouch for it, that I can say it with confidence. Because - to be honest..my first instinct was to pull this guy over to the side of the street and unpack the whole truck, sort it between like-items and then to re-pack it from him in a neat, tidy, organised way that would make any mess look like a Martha Stewart invention.
But, I have my own sorting out to be done. So - I just let him go...
I am just wondering why I dont let go a few of my "ideas"...a few of my "projects" .... a few "items" that I really do not need to have anymore.... a few activities that I really dont need to squeeze into a day that has too little hours already...WHY oh WHY do I carry a load like this in my mind, my body, my house and my LIFE??!!!!
It happened over a couple of months...
Things got a little out of hand over the past few months when stress took the better of me... And so things started to end up in little corners of my house and some in little corners of my head....and now they need to all fall back into place.
I have a life strategy - and that is to have a SPECIFIC place for EACH SPECIFIC item ...and that somehow got a little off track when life got too busy and too complicated. And in a house of 650 square meters (almost 7000 square foot), that can very easily happen ! But looking at this guy yesterday and just laughing at the very idea that people will look at me this way if they had ANY idea what goes on in my head and house right now...... I am very determined to sort that ALL out.... before anyone notices (am I the only thinking no one noticed??!!....)
In principle I have taken a decision to de-clutter my life....and are somewhat in process.....
and I will report back on my progress on this blog (by the way - did I mention that keeping a blog was exactly to find a place where I could blow off steam when I got run over by this "life-truck of stuff" of mine...)
I am not a clutter-person and dont have a lot of junk...but I DO have a lot of STUFF !! It creates some level of discomfort to think that I will just get rid of some things and the next week I would need one of the old masks I chucked in the bin for one of the kids' dress up costumes for a concert or something !!
But then again - I try to think of the load that will be lifted off my shoulders once I have at least scanned every item in this house again and have sifted through things and will feel on top of it !!
There is nothing wrong with having all the things..but when I realised that when I could not pay full attention anymore, it got the better of me..then I realised it is too much. It can only be good as long as it can stay under control without having someone to have to pay full attention to keeping things under control all the time.
So, I better be off to start sifting and sorting.... starting with my house and the items around me...then the almost 90 000 photos on my computer that needs organising and then last - but CERTAINLY not least - starting to go through the IDEAS in my head ..that I keep toying around with and that I hope ONE DAY I will have time to turn into REALITIES...so I would have some REAL IDEAS to blog about !!!!!
The truck's body, carrying the load, is also not quite what it used to be.... or should be..or could be...SAME HERE .....but taking into account that it still carries the rest, it survives...but only just survives...definitely does not thrive.....and is a little shameful, to say the least. It is exactly because of the load it carries, that there is not really time to think of or spent time on getting the body back in shape...and while it is still able to do the job...well, I guess - it just sometimes does...so - it is not just the pile ON TOP..but the body below - that is all in need of serious sorting out....
But - first things FIRST... I will report back !