To blog or not to blog....??! To BLOG !!!!!

This blog started off (in my mind at least) so that I could write about things that I had somehow planned in my head or thought about as an intial idea...even if that idea in the end never turned out to be the great idea I anticipated ....

And I even had an IDEA what I wanted those things to be..??! Still makes sense??

Yes - I usually think I have it ALL figured out - long before I even start with something !!

Most of all - I didn't want to do a "mommy" blog - who out there wants to read about me and my family all day long??? .... 

and at the same time...I didnt (and still dont) want to really put my family out there...showcased - for others to have their opinions and comments on how annoying something was that I thought was really cute - or the other way round??!!! There is something novel and stylish about keeping things private - keeping things "exclusive" to those who really, really knows you....so, even MENTIONING my family on my blog was crossing that line of  "exclusivity".......

REALITY is however that I AM a mom .......and a wife .......and many, if not MOST of the things that happen on a daily basis, how I view things, what is important and how it affects me and my ideas and my world, comes from that perspective..so it is also somewhat impossible to try and make sense of the things that I say if you dont know me and my family and why I say things the way I say or see them!  Blogging is about keeping it real and it is impossible to keep it real if you constantly have to be "SO" strategic that you can hardly think straight !!

I can do that type of blog - VERY easily -  I have many things I observe, many things I think the world would love to hear...but those kind of things should not be around family and should also not be mixed up with family life if you want to attract a certain reader population! That is a WHOLE different kind of blog !! About this world and all its weird and wonderful people.... But my dilemma is also that my good judgement often times prevent me from saying certain things - simply because they would hurt or be funny on one level but perhaps insensitive on another...and then there is most certainly the notion that some things are better left unsaid.....

So - the stumbling blocks for blogging started to stack up  - not to even mention the fact that everything I write is not even in my native language..which means it is even a little harder to say things exactly the way it would come out..if just spoken from the heart and not have to go pass the mind before putting it in writing....??!

I know what "sells" a blog - what make people wanna read, and what makes people wanna come back...And initially that was my idea.... to come later with an "offering" on my blog...

REALITY once again was that I have FOUND THE 'offering", but have NOT YET had the TIME to get that all up and running - TOO many THINGS...TOO LITTLE TIME - Typically me, for those who know me.....and then there was the BIG question - who do really blog for - for a FOLLOWING???  creating a crowd so you could feel good about yourself - or to write for YOURSELF.... having an outlet when you need it...?????

SO....What to do then??? To blog or not to blog??!!

Strangest thing is that I hardly ever (almost close to never) got a "Comment" on my blog - for many reasons known to me, but besides the point for now.....BUT the great thing is that that did not mean people did not read and/or respond??!! 

I received e-mails in response to things people read on the blog.....

I have to admit that it is great to comment - from a person bold enough to say it on a blog (usually bloggers who are not afraid to comment in public) and it is as great to get an e-mail.... from someone I do or do not know or knew long ago...

and that has made me decide to keep on writing...to keep on blogging.....

because just today I received another e-mail that has opened up a whole new chapter for me in my life and where I am right now.....

EVERY single comment and EVERY single e-mail has been extremely gratifying and the great thing is that it became less and less important what I blog about, but the fact that I do.

That makes blogging worth its while !! To know that a friend giggled about something I said....and another wants my red shoes if I think I will only wear them once !!! Or someone felt the heartache with me on another matter...or helped me make up my mind about some decisions I had to make.......or took the time to write me a 10 point plan and tell me what he enjoys about me ......or to know somebody out there cares enough to take the time to write - about something that lies so close to my heart and that may just be a key piece in one of my life puzzles ! 

What a great idea it was to open up this blog today and dust it off a little !

What to blog about - what NOT to blog about ???

What to say and what to rather NOT say????

Which parts to keep private and which parts to go public??????

I have a fairly clear idea. I dont think the tiny details matter and I still want to protect my family in all of this....dont think the world out there really needs to know their names, and their fears and all our tears......the whole world dont need to share in every bit of laughter, every activity or action........and I will keep it that way. It is still hard to not write or post pictures of friends and family.....because they are such an integral part in all of this....but I respect that - and please remind me if I ever cross that line without permission !!!!.......but it is time to use this blog as a tool - keeping it real !!!!

And then - who knows...one day when I am ready, I might find the time to turn it into the REALITY of the initial IDEA I had about this blog - something STRANGERS wanna read about...something that will create a FOLLOWING... here we go again...the blogger's blurred vision.....

BUT - UNTILL THEN !!!! and for NOW !!!!!- 

I have decided to forget about the initial idea and just blog about me and my life and my family and everything else that might pop into my head....RANDOMLY !!! WHo cares if it even fits into the theme??!

I cant keep up with keeping everyone informed and stay in touch with all those who care...

So, here is to going public - sharing with those who are caring !

This might come back and BITE me..but untill then -

Happy BLOGGING to me...Happy READING to you !!!!!